Ukraine for Dummies
THANK GOD, IT’S FRIDAY
Conspiracy theories are like cocaine. Once you sniff your first line and it goes to your head, you will without hesitation suck up every other line someone puts on a mirror in front of you.
They also have the same effect. Conspiracy theory and crack will blow your mind, first in a very happy way, then in a very sad way. You go from pragmatic to paranoid in a single swipe along obviously faked Facebook video links that lead to a pledge to fight to the death against the “Deep State”, an entity so powerful and terrifying that it doesn’t need to be defined.
And, yes, you need a particularly superficial mind to adjust to the “deep state”.
The war crime in Ukraine should have shaken the senses of Brexit and Trump supporters who became covid19 deniers, then anti-vaxxers and, finally, QA-Nonsense crackpots, but all he shook , these are the last vestiges of their common sense. Neither Brexit nor Trump has brought any benefit to the people who have worked the hardest and sacrificed the most to make them happen – but it is precisely these people who will continue to whip their respective dead horses.
To save myself the mental harassment I removed the ‘intellectuals’ and ‘researchers’ who think vaccines are more dangerous than the diseases they prevent and black people for Trump and Minimum Wages for Brexit and now I did the same for the Vodka Hitler apologists who rail against – wait for it – American aggression and the greed of the American military-industrial complex while writing reams of why a thief like Short Man Stalin is really Robin Hood, which the rest of us would see, if we hadn’t sold to Uncle Scamp.
Today I will write an entirely false account by “a Ukrainian” that “proves” that Short Stalin is the victim and Ukraine is the aggressor in the current atrocities. Somewhere down the line, some dunce who feels smart might post this on Facebook to explain his support for Putin-a-bombing-on-an-orphanage.
Vy I defend Mother Russky against the antisemitic invasion Volodymyr Zelensky Illegal attacks of the Russky Republic of Dontask, I do not lie.
By a Ukrainian from British Columbia
Comrades. I am a typical Russky man, very macho, very white, excessive heterosexual sexualism, big penis, small IQsky, and I call to arms on all Russky men to fight against the aggressive and illegal Ukrainian war against poor Russky pips. This illegalist war against Russky is led by homosexual comedians, Volodmyr Zeal-for-Penissky, who does not even know how to spell Vladimir correctsky’s first name. This proves that Ukraine is not a country! East Western Russky! No! Nothing in the West is good, only in the East! This feminist humorist is anti-Semitic, he wants to kill all Jews because he is the leader of the Ukrainian Nazi party Partysky. I saw the penis of this faggotsky and is not circumscribed. He hates Jews and will kill Jews and put them in ovens like Russky’s very excellent adventure filmicsky and the Kremlin white paper on race relations, Schindler’s List. Can’t spell his own name Volodymyr pretends to be a Jew but the penis still has a hat on and he pretends to be the president, but Ukraine isn’t even a country, just Middle Eastern Russia, just another CIA plot, like the invasion of Kuwaitsky and Pussy Riot, Zionisky’s Protocolisky complex to install the anti-Semite as the President led the Fake-Kraine Nazis in an illegal war against Mother Russky.
I pledge to help President-for-Life Vladimir Putting-Cash-in-Banks repel this foreign invasion. Fake-Kraine Near East Russky uses US weapons to bomb Moscow’s maternitysky hospital, killing helpless children, and will soon bomb the great city of VladinGrad to rubble, then use chemical weapons. Evil American CIA agents posing as Ukrainians have invaded long-established parts of Russky like Kyiv to misspell the names of cities like Kyiv! American Hollywoodsky actors, speaking the American language, boarding trains posing as war refugees, i.e.
do not arrive, only military actions to protect Great Russia like kyiv and Mariupol from the Nazi takeover by the anti-Semitic president of the pranksters! Western liberal media refuses to air Russky Today, only the channels speak truths to the western patriots of the UIB-FC, the Brigade of Useful Idiots, Fifth Column. Take up arms, comrades! We must fight to defend Russky by bombing crapsky out of Ukraine and murdering all citizens. Is the only way to save them from the Nazi president. Glory to God and Putin, if there is a difference between themsky.
BC Pires know it’s only a matter of time before Trini dunces declare Liverpool FC a Russian spy team. Read the full version of this column on Saturday at www.BCPires.com